Serious Falling In Love

[Soul Fly]

^where the intentions of a person, let on or perceived may not be as straightforward or upfront as he/she is making it out to be.

Just to be clear I categorically do not believe that if a woman tries to be friendly with you she is automatically romantically interested/playing some courtship game or whatever, because to really honest that's a shitty brand of objectification. I know that women are beings with dimensions beyond sex.

What I am however trying to get at over here is that she knows that I have feelings for her, which is kind of obvious since I told her that I did when I asked her out, so her proactive attempts at connecting with me is kind of fucking me up. This might be more me because it kind of messes me up to try and be friends with someone I do admittedly have rather strong feelings for. Which is a whole different can of emotional worms for me. When she keeps insisting I spend more time with her, I do mental gymnastics to try stay sane and not blurt out that I can't handle this shit, wtf why you know how I feel about you .... or whatever.

I realize a lot of armchair relationship experts would say this as a rule, but after reading your post it's pretty clear to me that she's definitely not into you.

And it's never worth getting hung over someone in a relationship. So if you're wondering whether you should overthink anything, that's a big no.

But thanks man, I know this is probably all that there is to it, and I just needed someone else to say it out loud. But I still need to find a way to negotiate with this.

 

[Blazade]

I feel like I've been going through something similar, Soul Fly. Once I got out of college and into Grad School, I and everyone around me got a whole lot busier, and so the women I was able to meet naturally and get close to came from my math department. Now there was a lot of common interest and many good conversations led to very real attractions to very attractive and interesting women.

The problem was that none of the women I was interested in were ever available; they were either tied up in some very serious thing coming in or in some cases snapped up during orientation week when I wasn't around. I found myself still pursuing friendships not out of some hope that things would change, but out of a real desire to make interesting friends and be amicable with the people I'm working with. I'm the kind of guy that wants to find in a mate the same qualities I find in friends of either gender, so this isn't new ro me.

Sometimes, though, it really feels like I'm torturing myself being around these people, especially when they display affection around their partners. It makes me feel guarded when I see people being free, trusting, caring, and comfortable with each other like that when I don't get that luxury, when I could easily imagine a scenario where chance would have allowed me to get that opportunity. Unlike in college, it feels more difficult to just explore some other possibilities; I feel stuck in my bubble.

I know the solution to this is to step out of my comfort zone and go out into the real world, but I don't exactly have the time that I used to outside of work, and every chance I did get I've found that once I'm out of an academic environment it's difficult to find women with any kind of common interest, not to mention any other kind of compatibility. I've always found the most success when I wasn't actively looking but in this case I feel like I have to do something if I want my situation to change. Anyone else experience trouble in this kind of transition and have something to say?

 

[viperGTS]

What I am however trying to get at over here is that she knows that I have feelings for her, which is kind of obvious since I told her that I did when I asked her out, so her proactive attempts at connecting with me is kind of fucking me up. This might be more me because it kind of messes me up to try and be friends with someone I do admittedly have rather strong feelings for.

This is what I was trying to get at, and I wasn't suggesting that women had no dimensions beyond sex (If you got this impression, I apologize); it's the fact that she's trying to connect with you when she knows very well that you have feelings for her.

I hope that this situation ends with a peaceful conclusion for both you and her. It's not fun having wasted feelings.

 

[jumpluff]

^where the intentions of a person, let on or perceived may not be as straightforward or upfront as he/she is making it out to be.

Just to be clear I categorically do not believe that if a woman tries to be friendly with you she is automatically romantically interested/playing some courtship game or whatever, because to really honest that's a shitty brand of objectification. I know that women are beings with dimensions beyond sex.

What I am however trying to get at over here is that she knows that I have feelings for her, which is kind of obvious since I told her that I did when I asked her out, so her proactive attempts at connecting with me is kind of fucking me up. This might be more me because it kind of messes me up to try and be friends with someone I do admittedly have rather strong feelings for. Which is a whole different can of emotional worms for me. When she keeps insisting I spend more time with her, I do mental gymnastics to try stay sane and not blurt out that I can't handle this shit, wtf why you know how I feel about you .... or whatever.

But thanks man, I know this is probably all that there is to it, and I just needed someone else to say it out loud. But I still need to find a way to negotiate with this.

maybe you should just be honest, as awful as it feels? it's pretty ordinary to have trouble getting over someone who says they don't reciprocate their feelings when you're around them, and to need distance to do so, and your pain is pretty relatable (sorry to hear). at the same time I appreciate you probably want to be able to be friends with her too, but you know (and admit) it's emotionally difficult for you right now to have proximity. sorry I don't have better advice dude. but I don't think there's any resolution to this other than distancing yourself. it would be equally if not more painful if you were the one doing all the legwork to be friends and indicate interest in spending time together I think. the way I see it is, unless you can magically force yourself to get over it and stop tearing yourself apart, which would be superhuman, you have two options: 1. distance yourself explicitly in some way or place limits 2. distance yourself implicitly and hope time works while the friendship survives it somehow (suddenly be very busy, avoid her, place limits on your emotional engagement with her, etc. which is both very difficult and going to cause emotional confusion for both of you).

sometimes people do shady shit but you 100000% do not want anything to do with that as you pointed out, so cancel that possibility out of the equation. also without knowing anything about the person can't say if she's like that with everyone or she just particularly likes you or is excited by your new friendship, but it seems to me that she really wants to be your friend, and is probably just hoping you can push your feelings under the carpet since she doesn't want the distance (it feels shit to lose friends because they like you and you don't like them back too). the fb req, for example, was probably because she just wants to be your friend, and is hoping you can still be friends even after everything that happened, etc. she had a chance to date you and said no. I agree with von that overthinking this will just cause you additional distress for no good, so try to redirect those thoughts as much as you can (and hide her fb posts if you need to, honestly).

also I'm sorry if this post comes across excessively directly. I think your feelings are a very normal and complicated type of pain and I really do deeply empathise with the turmoil. I envy the rare person who can get over their feelings without distance. your dilemma is pretty gutwrenching.

 

[The Original Syn]

I'm only 16 and my girlfriend and I live together, on the other side of the city from our parents. Because of her parents, financially, we're in good stead. I'm pretty damn sure she's the love of my life.

 

[Ullar]

typed from my phone, so I apologize for brevity

as some of you may know, I work at Chick-Fil-A. i'm a 'certified trainer' which means i show new folks the ropes. i was handed a recruit yesterday, and I was taking over from another trainer. and...she was rly nice. attractive, witty, etc. however...while I am attracted to her ( we hit it off quickly), there is something painfully apparent to me. she is nearly a carbon copy of my 'first love' from middle school. like she has the same mannerisms, same way of approaching things, even her face is nearly alike. I mean, sure I have a type, but when it even extends to her (unconfirmed but strongly suspected) autism, that makes me worry a bit. i also fucked up said old relationship pretty badly, like holy shit i mishandled it. maybe i feel like this is my chance to try again? idk. i'm rly conflicted rn, advice/opinions plz

e: she's not a single mom, nipping that in the bud now

 

[jumpluff]

how many times have you seen her? I don't doubt they're very similar, but the more you get to know her you will see differences and uniquenesses emerge, especially if you avoid the normal temptation to romanticise statistically likely patterns and emphasise that she is an individual. also don't think of it as trying again, it's shit to use people as substitutes for others and a bad way to approach it. think of it as rather you learned your lessons and this is a new situation with a new person you like, who may have reacted very differently to your ex and has her own preferences and needs to be treated in her own idiosyncratic way. and that's a way to think about any relationship. of course, experience with similar personalities can be useful guidance, but at a general level.

if you like her, you don't need to justify it! sure she's gonna remind you of an ex but do you see other similar people and conceive of them as replacements? it's red flags that you have to watch for really.

this seems like a good situation for getting to know her.

gl dude

 

[Hektor]

I agree with what jumpluff says, Ullar. I've noticed strong patterns in the women to whom I've been attracted over the years, but each of them has set herself apart as I've gotten to know her. Take the chance to learn who she is, and go from there.

As for myself, here's a positive story. I'm currently smitten with a girl I met shortly after going to uni for the first time. She's smart, kind and extremely talented at music, so I was immediately intrigued by her. As I got to know her, I fell harder and harder for her. The way her eyes light up when she's really interested or excited about some topic is beyond compare. We got close that year and agreed it'd be nice to date sometime when we weren't both carrying the burden of Atlas in credit hours.

Fast forward to this semester. We've gone on a couple dates and I'm realizing exactly how smitten I am. So, last week, I finally overcame my "play it safe" instinct and told her how I felt. And she told me she likes me back! However, we aren't moving into a serious relationship just yet because she'd apparently just ended a year-long one around the time she started seeing me and isn't ready to go back to that level of commitment (which I totally understand, having used that approach myself). I'm still over the moon that she likes me! This is the strongest I've felt about a girl in years, and the happiest I've been overall in at least eight months. Hopefully things continue to go positively! Pls knock on wood when you read that

 

[Mr.E]

I know the solution to this is to step out of my comfort zone and go out into the real world, but I don't exactly have the time that I used to outside of work, and every chance I did get I've found that once I'm out of an academic environment it's difficult to find women with any kind of common interest, not to mention any other kind of compatibility. I've always found the most success when I wasn't actively looking but in this case I feel like I have to do something if I want my situation to change. Anyone else experience trouble in this kind of transition and have something to say?

just feel like not-really-venting-but-thinking-out-loud and this is relateable to me

Honestly though, even through high school and through uni I've never been much to socialize with people. But I work too much now, gotta pay the bills man (that massive student debt for a fucking worthless sheet of paper), where do I go? I rarely venture out and do things on my own, just to leave the house and be around people, but I'm still just kinda in my own bubble. I'm in the crowd, but I'm not a part of it. Even the couple of VGC events I've attended, I just kinda hung around Synre and company and occasionally interject with a line or two, but I still feel like I'm on the outside looking in a bit, a good acquaintance more than an actual friend.

Anyway, as it relates to the topic. I spent 12+ hours after work Saturday night watching a streaming bro of mine play ("play)" through a VN on Twitch. Chat made it a hella fun experience really. But it just sorta got the gears turning in my head, y'know? "I'm never going to experience a love like that." I mean, anime clichés and all but even as far as realistic real-life stuff, I'm probably never going to experience any serious romance at all. There's a part of me that wants that experience, those feels. However, I simply don't know where to even begin and hardly want to put forth the effort to actively look for a partnership per se (like, say, join an online dating site). But it's extremely unlikely I'm just going to chance into a relationship, right? I don't go anywhere, I don't do anything and on the rare occasion that I do... well, see above. So other than my workplace, I'm not really meeting anybody new. There's nobody I'm interested in, in fact there's hardly anybody I really know at all. I'm just sorta floating along in space in my own little bubble. It's put me in a rather not-really-but-kinda-yeah-depressed funk the past couple days, case in point me posting in this topic.

Rewind back to uni a bit, really the only girl I ever got to somewhat know and began to take a minor interest in was this nerdy blonde chick in the same program, and graduating class, as me. We talked maybe once or twice a month when we happened to bump into each other on campus, again more of a friendly acquaintance than really friends, but she had a certain charm to her and she's really the only person I've ever just sat down and carried on a casual conversation with on multiple occasions. Then my graduation is pushed back a year due to my academic advisor's fuck-up with my class scheduling so we're no longer in the same courses, the shit happens where I get kicked out of school briefly, etc. Disruptions in all my life plans and all, unfortunately mostly out of my control. She enters her final year of schooling and is out on rotations rather than around campus. Now she's gone and all I'm left with is her first name and a vague remembrance of her appearance.

High school? Just kinda reclusive until senior year, when I actually shared a lunch break with my small circle of friends but the girls were all taken anyway. Had a semi-serious online relationship for a couple years, which didn't end well but I'm over it by now. Lost contact with pretty much all the old TPM crew anymore, they've went their own ways in real life but me these days? I'm still sitting here on Pokémon message boards whining, eh. I don't go anywhere, I don't do anything, certainly no interest in the scant selection of females at my current job which is about the only place I do interact with other people offline. I'm pushing almost 30 at this point (fuck I feel old saying that on this forum) and I'm... just here. Not in the sense of "here on Smogon right now." Like, I just exist. I'm me and nothing more, because there is nothing to me. I'm just a warm body going through the motions, the sobering reality that is my life.

I should wrap it up there because at this point I'm going to go into a despondent monologue about how everything else in my life sucks too (mostly the whole "went to school to be a doctor, merely ended up with a still respectable science degree, may as well have been in music theory because that would've been equally useful to me at this point in time" thing), but as far as just looking for love I'm totally lost. I don't think I'll ever find my way either, and while that isn't totally devastating to my existence it makes me a little somber, and bitter. A serious romantic relationship would do much to uplift my spirits and improve my perspective on life. I mean, I've survived up to this point and will continue to but god damn would it help me get through each and every mediocre day if I knew there was always someone there for me to lean on. But it's just one of the everything I'll never have in life... Like a respectable job in my field of study utilizing the education and skills I learned, or the freedom of time to invest into my hobbies to keep my mind off the lack of either of those two things (because I have a shitty job I'm seriously overworked in that I can't just up and abandon as a responsible adult). I'm totally on my own.

No rest for the wicked but death. Unfortunately, I'm past the point of seriously considering killing myself (should've done that years ago) and now I'll probably live to be 120 in all my inglory. Still forever alone. You know, I don't like to use the word "depressed" to describe my feelings because I feel it diminishes the seriousness of real depression when it's not like I've ever been to a shrink to be formally diagnosed, or medicated. But I just spent the past two hours aimlessly wandering the Internet instead of going to bed on time for me to get a reasonable night's sleep for work in five hours. Just like I did yesterday, except I didn't write a whiny piece of shit post about it last night. So, fuck. Maybe I am depressed.

I mean, I just spent a good ten minutes staring at this would-be post before finally hitting the Post Reply button. Wasn't reviewing for typos or anything, just sat here staring blankly at the monitor not really thinking anything, except I don't want to get up and go to bed and roll out of bed and do the same thing all over again. Edit: I re-read after posting and fixed shit up anyway though, as is usual for me. Can never simply catch everything before posting...

I'm sorry for kinda drifting away from the main point of the topic.

 

[Yeti]

mre i got a couple easy steps for you:
1. don't refer to us as 'females' that's full neckbeard terminology
2. http://www.zombo.com/ memorize it. the only limit is yourself. the keys have been inside you all along. you just need to let them out. you want a hunnie? make it so
3. serious step: you should REALLY REALLY REALLY get yourself in to a therapist, psychiatrist, GP doctor to check hormone levels and such, anyone and everyone who can diagnose you and get you into a better place. because you 100% have something, probably depression, weighing you down. you say you don't 'want' to put in the effort to make an online dating profile but is it more that you don't have the energy to, or exerting the effort would drain you for the whole day? you don't go out/socialize perhaps because you, again, don't have the energy for it? depression isn't just feelsbadman sadpepe memes, for many people it's more of a crippling absence of drive, ambition, feeling, energy. things that 'normal' people can get up and do easily are taxing af.
so i think you really need to go see someone about this. maybe medication will help you, or therapy, or whatever options there are, but you don't need to live in this rut. there are ways beyond killing yourself to get out of it, seek out those who can help diagnose and treat you.
4. i also think you should start slowly shifting your attitude. what gives you joy in life? what makes you happy? what do you enjoy? because many of us know you for your endless NeverLucky rants about your hobbies and it makes me wonder what you do truly enjoy. instead of focusing on the negatives or things out of your control you need to start focusing on the positives. next time your lol game ends and you had the feedlord yasuo top who lets fizz get 13 kills off him in as many minutes and you tab into irc to rant about it in whatever channel, stop. think to yourself what YOU did well that game. and post that. "my cs was pretty good" "i had a great juke during a gank attempt" and that's all. no rant. you let your negativity consume you so you're stuck in this negative/neutral state. maybe you did get luckhaxed. maybe you couldn't have done anything better. happens to everyone. so focus on what you did well. you need to get yourself out of this negative space and a lot of that will be going to a therapist to help with any chemical/hormonal imbalances or issues in your brain you can't control, but smaller things like this, you can.

get yourself to a better place and you'll be able to go out, meet people, set up profiles and such. what's holding you down is probably long term depression. you need to use DEFOG. love will come in time, but you don't need to be stuck feeling like this.

 

[thekeytoyourheart]

As someone who's asked out two guys and been rejected twice I can relate to many posters here. The first guy I asked out was a really kind hearted, funny guy with whom I shared many interests (music and sports). I knew that he was not really interested but I asked myself "Would it hurt to tell him how I feel about him? Anything can happen." Although it was awkward for a year after I told him my feelings, we still remain friends. What made it worse was that after rejecting me, he started dating a Regina George-esque girl (mean, pretty, spiteful, rich, etc.). For a long time, I believed that I wasn't attractive.

The second guy I asked out was hilarious and good-looking but looking back I see that he was not the best person for me. He flirted with me, made plenty of small physical contact (poking, hand on shoulder), messaged me every day. But he never made the effort to get to know me as a person or talk about things besides school and sports. I told him about my feelings for him a month after meeting him. Then he told me he never really liked me. I knew that I shouldn't base my self-worth on whether somebody liked me back, but rejection stings. I felt inadequate, ugly, bitter, and upset.

Now I'm a first year college student with a boyfriend. After two months of being friends, I asked him to get dinner together (promptly followed by a three hour stroll by the beach) and a few days later he asked me out!

As a naive teen, it was hard to look past my infatuation and fantasies, the high and the joy I felt whenever I talked to my crushes. But here are the things I've learned, some of which have already been mentioned.

1. Major hint: She/he makes significant effort to spend (1 on 1) time with you or talk to you individually. Her friends say that she talks/asks often about you.
2. Being rejected does not say much about you but more about the other person. Maybe she/he is taken or personally not interested in you. Maybe you're not his/her type, not just in terms of physical appearance but also general demeanor.
3. Be your genuine self. Some will open up to you and adore you while others won't be interested in you. It's perfectly okay. You'll save yourself the trouble of having to wonder whether she/he actually likes you if you maintain a facade. Just because she/he doesn't like you doesn't mean that you won't find somebody who'll find you attractive and intriguing.
4. Don't be afraid to talk. Without talking, you'll never actually get know her/him. Try to spend some 1 on 1 quality time and observe her/his behavior, manner of talking, etc.
5. Think. Don't let your feelings affect your judgment. Ask yourself these questions: "Has he/she shown any interest in me?" "What do I want out of him/her?" "Why do I even like her/him?" Talk to a wise, trustworthy friend for some outside perspective.
6. Realize that with time, you'll get over the rejection/breakup. (Get over in the sense that you won't be constantly thinking about or obsessing over it.) Time heals all wounds. Look forward to a better tomorrow.
7. Love yourself before you love others. If you believe that you are lovable and that you'll find someone worthy, rejection/breaking up won't hurt as much.


I hope that all made sense, and I'm sorry for the giant wall of text. I wish every one of you all the best :)

 

[Oglemi]

Agree entirely with Yeti as concerns Mr.E 's post but this part in particular from mre's post needs to be knocked down:

A serious romantic relationship would do much to uplift my spirits and improve my perspective on life.

Reality check: a relationship won't suddenly fix you or make you feel better about life, just like how a baby won't fix a relationship.

You need to be comfortable with who you are and enjoy your life before bringing someone else into it, which is why I agree with Yeti on how to go about fixing yourself up. Plus, when looking for a relationship you need to have confidence to attract anyone, and it sounds like you don't have much in yourself at the moment. If you get into a relationship with the goal of it being to fix your perspective on life, it'll only lead to sowing undesirable and unwanted feelings and habits towards your partner like mistrust, jealousy, overprotectiveness, overbearingness, and the like.

 

[Mr.E]

Well I was trying to avoid responding because I mostly took Yeti's post as a "I sympathize with you but you're also Mr.E and I can't resist still taking a bit of a jab at you" sort of thing. Thanks, Oglemi. Complaining about my use of the word "female" is a pulled punch if I ever saw one... thanks I guess. I also used "girl" twice and "chick" once, almost as if I intentionally utilize a wide range of vocabulary to keep my writing from being too monotonous for would-be readers.

I mean, it's not like oh I'm gonna go find me a partner and I'll magically be happy. Frankly, I'm pretty sure I could fix myself up with a woman quite easily if I was concerned with just being in a relationship for the sake of being in one. I've done it before (once anyway). But it should be the right relationship. It's more of an obvious statement to the fact that, yes, I would be happier if I had someone in my life to lean on in tough times (or enhance the experience of the good times). I'd also be happier if I had a job that related to my education / experience / general job skills, or even just had a half-assed position that didn't work me to fucking death 60 hours often seven days a week doing hella physical work so I had time to destress at home and finish fucking playing Dragon Age already (among other things).

As I said, I didn't want to go too far into that, to focus on the "love" thing which is what this topic is actually about, but it's the fact that all of those things suck for me right now that puts me down. If one of those aspects improve, then I can mostly block out the rest of the crap. Currently, my job prospects are looking up but at four years and counting I certainly can't count my chickens before they hatch. :/ Mostly love only comes up when everything else is particularly sucking ass at the time and I just kinda lie in bed unable to fall asleep (which happens even when things are going well because I fucking suck at falling asleep). I think about how shitty my life is and just feel a little bit worse upon the realization that "oh yeah nobody loves me either." That's where I'd adore just having a special someone to see in my mind's eye and reassure myself there's at least one thing in this world that doesn't totally blow.

I've long since grown out of low self-esteem and confidence. I know how fucking awesome I am, though I seem to do a pretty poor job of convincing others. Finding love will probably never happen for me but that's because I simply don't care to actively seek it and how often does it just fall into someone's lap? Certainly not with my luck. It's never bothered me all that much before, but I need time to play games and post dank maymays to keep my mind from wandering onto the subject or I end up in the above situation.

 

[Ullar]

I'm surprised this thread has stagnated as long as it has, what with the very relatable topic.

Small update on my earlier situation; the girl unexpectedly moved out of state after her first week, and I quit/got fired from CFA afterwards, so that went out quickly.

However, I currently work at Quizno's, and there's this girl I work with. She says I act just like her sister, and that we'd probably get along. Being largely unable to read between the lines, as it were, I began to wonder. Was she giving me a signal on behalf of her sister, a person I've never met? I took the bait recently, imaginary or otherwise; I gave her my number to pass on.

I guess what I'm asking is, is this a bad way to approach women? It feels a tad surreptitious, but I'm really not good at 'putting myself out there'. The fact I don't drink (or get out much at all) doesn't help either. I dunno.

 

[faint]

I'm surprised this thread has stagnated as long as it has, what with the very relatable topic.

Small update on my earlier situation; the girl unexpectedly moved out of state after her first week, and I quit/got fired from CFA afterwards, so that went out quickly.

However, I currently work at Quizno's, and there's this girl I work with. She says I act just like her sister, and that we'd probably get along. Being largely unable to read between the lines, as it were, I began to wonder. Was she giving me a signal on behalf of her sister, a person I've never met? I took the bait recently, imaginary or otherwise; I gave her my number to pass on.

I guess what I'm asking is, is this a bad way to approach women? It feels a tad surreptitious, but I'm really not good at 'putting myself out there'. The fact I don't drink (or get out much at all) doesn't help either. I dunno.

I mean, I guess it doesn't hurt, but to me that comes off as nothing more than small talk. You could attempt to bring that comment up in jest or ask her to elaborate on it, but it's still going to force you to ask questions like "is she single?" I'm not sure your relationship with this girl or how forward you can be with her, as unfortunately that largely determines your options.

 

[Godard]

Trust me dude, if you aren't feeling that sort of feeling towards a girl where you want to come out of your shell just for her. Then I dont think you've found the right one. You'll know once you find the one, you will want to change, and bend over backwards for them, just don't change to the point where you actually have to try changing

 

[Yeti]

I feel the need to brag and say UncleSam will be here visiting me in just two more weeks and I couldn't be happier. Turns out we just needed to put all our mafia argument energy towards something more productive. <3

For all u kids still looking Stay Woke for legitimate hints a girl is into you or willing to go out. When she wants your time and attention she's probably got a crush. Don't play hood games just go for it.

Pro tip good morning/night texts are the cutest things do not neglect to send them.

 

[Pastelle]

Okay there's something that i REALLY need to get off of my chest and even though an online pokemon forum isn't probably the place to do it, I'm gonna do it anyways because fuck it.

I've known this boy since I was in middle school, but over the past year or so we've become really close friends. We hang out almost every week at least once, and we have pretty much the exact same interests. Not only that, but he is incredibly caring, sweet, hilarious, and hella attractive. You're probably thinking that this sounds like the start to a sappy love story, but the one major hiccup is that he is gay.

He's my best friend. I understand that this is who he is and he's so happy and confident in himself that I wouldn't want it any other way. Seeing him happy makes me happy. But the other night, after a late night party, he offered to let me spend the night at his house since I had been drinking and didn't want to drive. I ended up sleeping in the same bed as him, and while he wrapped his arms around me (after complaining I was cold), I felt something I'd never felt before that I can only describe as love. It was a nervous, tingly feeling. Being in his arms made me feel so safe and cared for. It was so wonderful and I never wanted it to end. All I wanted to do was tell him how I felt, but I know I couldn't cause it would really weird him out.

I value our friendship more than anything, so I don't want to do anything that would risk me losing it. But man its hard having strong feelings for someone that you know won't feel them back. Like obviously I know that he cares about me since he, ya know, let me sleep in his bed with him and cuddled, but I really wish that I could be honest with him and everyone else around me.

 

[UncleSam]

It doesn't happen often, but every once in a while you meet someone with whom you gel perfectly. It may have taken years and years of mafia play before we finally met, but I am so, so glad to have finally met the qtiest and sweetest girl in the whole wide world

Isn't that right Yeti <3

I hope that everyone here finds someone and is happy! It can happen, don't give up hope!

 

[G0tagofast]

Okay there's something that i REALLY need to get off of my chest and even though an online pokemon forum isn't probably the place to do it, I'm gonna do it anyways because fuck it.

I've known this boy since I was in middle school, but over the past year or so we've become really close friends. We hang out almost every week at least once, and we have pretty much the exact same interests. Not only that, but he is incredibly caring, sweet, hilarious, and hella attractive. You're probably thinking that this sounds like the start to a sappy love story, but the one major hiccup is that he is gay.

He's my best friend. I understand that this is who he is and he's so happy and confident in himself that I wouldn't want it any other way. Seeing him happy makes me happy. But the other night, after a late night party, he offered to let me spend the night at his house since I had been drinking and didn't want to drive. I ended up sleeping in the same bed as him, and while he wrapped his arms around me (after complaining I was cold), I felt something I'd never felt before that I can only describe as love. It was a nervous, tingly feeling. Being in his arms made me feel so safe and cared for. It was so wonderful and I never wanted it to end. All I wanted to do was tell him how I felt, but I know I couldn't cause it would really weird him out.

I value our friendship more than anything, so I don't want to do anything that would risk me losing it. But man its hard having strong feelings for someone that you know won't feel them back. Like obviously I know that he cares about me since he, ya know, let me sleep in his bed with him and cuddled, but I really wish that I could be honest with him and everyone else around me.

I think my advice here is not to risk, maybe you can be the most atractive girl in the world but if he is gay nothing can change that or you could try to see hints if he is just lying about that cause maybe for him its a trend, for example ask him to see his finger nails, the way he does that its enough proff to see if he is a real gay or just a trend for him, lets say if he flips the hand and contracts the fingers there is a high chance that he is not gay but if he expands the hand like a lady well sorry try to move on for another person.

 

[Pastelle]

I think my advice here is not to risk, maybe you can be the most atractive girl in the world but if he is gay nothing can change that or you could try to see hints if he is just lying about that cause maybe for him its a trend, for example ask him to see his finger nails, the way he does that its enough proff to see if he is a real gay or just a trend for him, lets say if he flips the hand and contracts the fingers there is a high chance that he is not gay but if he expands the hand like a lady well sorry try to move on for another person.

yeah this isn't a questioning thing, he is 100% gay. He's expressed interest in other guys, we marathon Rupaul's Drag Race all the time, and overall he has pretty feminine tendencies and interests. Not so much that it's super obvious but enough that we questioned his sexuality before he formally came out.

I know that there's not much I can do and that I should move on, but I am glad that we're about as close as we can be and that he's in my life at all. It just sucks that the romantic interest is there rip

 

[Pastelle]

reviving this thread to give a lil update on my situation. Since this has eating at me for a long time, and I felt like I was keeping a dirty secret, I told him I had feelings for him. It was one of the most nerve-racking things I've ever done, but I couldn't keep being dishonest with him. I was so scared that he wasn't going to take it well and feel really uncomfortable, thus not wanting to see me anymore. Luckily, thank god, he took it really well. He just kind of chuckled and said "If I had a dollar for every time this happened I wouldn't need to worry about my tuition anymore lol". He said he wasn't too bothered by it and that he totally understood how I felt, being gay in an area where they're aren't many gay men his age. He also assured me that this doesn't change his opinion of me and he wants to keep hanging out.

You have NO idea how relieved I am. I felt so dirty feeling this way about him, cause I felt like as a friend I wasn't allowed to have a romantic interest. But being honest with him felt so good, and I'm glad that it seems like he's not going to think anything different of me.

So I guess the moral of the story is if you have feelings for a friend, be honest with them. If they're a true friend their opinion of you won't change, and if anything the relationship will get stronger.

 

[Tazonite]

Y'know what it's like when your childhood friend is the opposite gender and even though we've parted ways, you still see her in the halls and she looks beautiful?
I'm sure I felt something for her back then but that's the closest I've gotten to love.
Just getting older and realizing your best friend happens to be a girl

Of course, things change.
I've never really fallen in love or have been interested in since.

reviving this thread to give a lil update on my situation. Since this has eating at me for a long time, and I felt like I was keeping a dirty secret, I told him I had feelings for him. It was one of the most nerve-racking things I've ever done, but I couldn't keep being dishonest with him. I was so scared that he wasn't going to take it well and feel really uncomfortable, thus not wanting to see me anymore. Luckily, thank god, he took it really well. He just kind of chuckled and said "If I had a dollar for every time this happened I wouldn't need to worry about my tuition anymore lol". He said he wasn't too bothered by it and that he totally understood how I felt, being gay in an area where they're aren't many gay men his age. He also assured me that this doesn't change his opinion of me and he wants to keep hanging out.

You have NO idea how relieved I am. I felt so dirty feeling this way about him, cause I felt like as a friend I wasn't allowed to have a romantic interest. But being honest with him felt so good, and I'm glad that it seems like he's not going to think anything different of me.

So I guess the moral of the story is if you have feelings for a friend, be honest with them. If they're a true friend their opinion of you won't change, and if anything the relationship will get stronger.

I'm glad everything went out well for you man.

 

[Kavatika]

I'm gonna try to keep this short since I'm tired and on my phone, but I really feel like I'm going to start struggling soon. There's this girl at my college that I'm friends with and have been friends with for a few months now. We see eachother pretty often (like several times throughout the day), as we live in the same residence hall and I'm friends with both of her roommates. It didn't start out this way, but after about a month of being friends with her I began to realize I had feelings for her. I wasn't exactly concerned about it at first, but after about a week or so it started to eat away at me, especially since I had a sinking feeling that she wasn't as interested in me as I was in her, and it had me in a really depressed mood (it did not help that I was still dealing with the leftover emotions from the end of my first relationship, which ended about 7 weeks prior). A few of my friends really began to take notice of how I was feeling, and after I told them what was bothering me, they urged me to just ask her out. It took some more prodding, but I finally worked up the guts to ask her out on a date (which was actually the first time I had done that, my first relationship began a bit differently). She said no, and that she wasn't looking for a relationship. I was feeling really, really down about this for the rest of the day, but my friends who urged me into it were able to cheer me up a little bit. Fortunately for me, the next day I was able to interact with her as normal, and we continued our friendship as normal, albeit neither of have talked about me asking her out since.

I asked her out on november 13, almost a month ago now. Our friendship still persists, and it has probably gotten at least somewhat stronger, having done a couple things together since then. For the most part, I thought I'd be fine with any remaining feelings for her, and that they wouldn't get in the way of our friendship. But in the past week, I've started to notice some more of those feelings resurfacing, and I'm really worried if I don't talk to her/someone about it I'll have to distance myself from her or it will start to eat away at my overall mood again.

The problem is that I don't really know what to say or how to say it. I don't want to say the wrong thing and upset her, since I know she's the kind of person to shove away people who make her upset, and regardless of whether she shuns me or I just try to distance myself from her, I want to try and maintain our friendship. I plan on talking to a few close friends about my predicament, but I'm kind of hoping someone here is willing to offer some advice. If anybody needs clarification/more details to go on, I'd be happy to give a bit more.

 

[destinyunknown]

The problem is that I don't really know what to say or how to say it. I don't want to say the wrong thing and upset her, since I know she's the kind of person to shove away people who make her upset, and regardless of whether she shuns me or I just try to distance myself from her, I want to try and maintain our friendship. I plan on talking to a few close friends about my predicament, but I'm kind of hoping someone here is willing to offer some advice. If anybody needs clarification/more details to go on, I'd be happy to give a bit more.

Very late response, but from past personal / friend similar experiences, I think you should distance yourself a bit from her, until your feelings for her 'go away'. Most people have a hard time handling unrequited love (on both sides of it), so staying close to the other person is not going to help, as the feelings might only get stronger.

If you're worried because you want to keep your friendship with her, I think that distancing yourself at least for a couple of months is still the best option. If your friendship with her was solid, there shouldnt be any issues continuing it in the future, and it will be much healthier than if you have conflicting thoughts about her.