Bibarel sweep - OU warstory

Okay, this is my first warstory, so I don't know if I'm doing it right or not. Here goes:

My team:


Okay, so a quick overview of my team. Tank lead Hariyama with Fake Out/Close Combat/Ice Punch/Knock Off. Fairly useful in this battle. Scarfgar with Shadow Ball/Thunderbolt/Focus Blast/HP Ice. Yeah that's right, NO TRICK, but he still managed to kill before Bibarel came out. Cursarel, the MVP of this battle with Curse/Quick Attack/Waterfall/Return. It actually managed to sweep. Jirachi: he wasn't even used in this battle lol. Tank Skarmory with Brave Bird/Whirlwind/Stealth Rock/Roost. The metal bird that managed to make all of this possible for Bibarel. Blissey with Thunder Wave/Flamethrower/Softboiled/Aromatherapy. ClericBliss, nuff said.

Opponent's team:


I don't know enough about this team so I won't give a rundown on it (I'll run it down with my Bibarel though). Oh, but I couldn't find a Skymin sprite, so this weird thing will have to do.


Rules: Ladder Match, Sleep Clause, Freeze Clause, OHKO Clause, Evasion Clause, Species Clause, Strict Damage Clause
pant sent out how babby made (lvl 100 Jirachi).
kaonohiokala sent out Hurry Mama (lvl 100 Hariyama ?).
kaonohiokala: wow another jirachi
Hurry Mama used Fake Out.
It's not very effective...
how babby made lost 7% of its health.
how babby made flinched!
how babby made's leftovers restored its health a little!
how babby made restored 6% of its health.
---

Okay, so Hariyama starts off against a Jirachi. Faked it out first just to get a (really) light hit in there and scout a possible switch. At first it seemed like a pretty bad match-up, but I knew that most Jirachi leads don't carry Psychic, so I risked it.

how babby made used Body Slam.
Hurry Mama lost 20% of its health.
Hurry Mama is paralysed! It may be unable to move!
Hurry Mama used Knock Off.
how babby made lost 8% of its health.
Hurry Mama knocked off foe how babby made's Leftovers!
Hurry Mama's leftovers restored its health a little!
Hurry Mama restored 6% of its health.
---

Yup, I was right. No Psychic and I managed to get rid of those pesky leftovers.

pant switched in Zapdos (lvl 100 Zapdos).
Zapdos is exerting its pressure!
kaonohiokala switched in Skarmory (lvl 100 Skarmory ?).
---

Okay, so Hariyama outlived it's usefulness on Jirachi. So I decided to switch. But how unfortunate...

kaonohiokala switched in Fatty (lvl 100 Blissey ?).
Zapdos used Rain Dance.
Rain began to fall!
The rain continues to fall.
---

Alright Fatty's in there to do it's thang. Rain Dance on Zapdos was at first peculiar, but I soon realized what would be coming next. A swift swimmer, most likely Kingdra. Prediction...

pant switched in Kingdra (lvl 100 Kingdra ?).
Fatty used Thunder Wave.
Kingdra is paralysed! It may be unable to move!
The rain continues to fall.
---

Lol, gotcha *****. Kingdra's nearly useless now w/o it's crazy speed.


kaonohiokala switched in Skarmory (lvl 100 Skarmory ?).
Kingdra used Dragon Dance.
Kingdra's attack was raised.
Kingdra's speed was raised.
The rain continues to fall.
---

The Dragon Dance was sort of surprising, but still nothing Skarm couldn't wall and phaze.

pant switched in Zapdos (lvl 100 Zapdos).
Zapdos is exerting its pressure!
Skarmory used Whirlwind.
pant switched in is it a dog idk (lvl 100 Lucario ?).
The rain continues to fall.
---

Okay, so the Zapdos went in and out, but a Lucario? It's either going to Swords Dance, attack, or switch out. I took the chance to set up stealth rock for that meddling Zapdos.

is it a dog idk used Close Combat.
Skarmory lost 47% of its health.
is it a dog idk's defence was lowered.
is it a dog idk's special defence was lowered.
is it a dog idk lost 10% of its health.
Skarmory used Stealth Rock.
Pointed stones float in the air around your foe's team!
The rain stopped.
Skarmory's leftovers restored its health a little!
Skarmory restored 6% of its health.
---

Okay, so Skarm is at around half health, but it could still survive another hit and Roost it up so it wasn't too painstaking. Major point: Stealth Rock is in there.

pant switched in huttburt (lvl 100 Metagross).
Pointed stones dug into huttburt.
huttburt lost 6% of its health.
Skarmory used Roost.
Skarmory restored 41% of its health.
---

The fact that he swapped out Luke for a Metagross was pretty surprising. Metagross really can't touch Skarm, even with Thunderpunch. Oh well, might as well Whirlwind it (it can't do anything right?)...

huttburt used Trick.
huttburt obtained Leftovers!
Skarmory obtained Choice Scarf!
Skarmory used Whirlwind.
pant switched in how babby made (lvl 100 Jirachi).
Pointed stones dug into how babby made.
how babby made lost 6% of its health.
---

WRONG. Skarmory's usefulness just went down by half. On the bright side, a physical Jirachi was out and Skarm could simply whirl it out again to rack up SR damage.

how babby made used Body Slam.
It's not very effective...
Skarmory lost 7% of its health.
Skarmory is paralysed! It may be unable to move!
Skarmory used Whirlwind.
pant switched in huttburt (lvl 100 Metagross).
Pointed stones dug into huttburt.
huttburt lost 6% of its health.
huttburt's leftovers restored its health a little!
huttburt restored 6% of its health.
---
huttburt used Meteor Mash.
It's not very effective...
Skarmory lost 15% of its health.
Skarmory used Whirlwind.
pant switched in is it a dog idk (lvl 100 Lucario ?).
Pointed stones dug into is it a dog idk.
is it a dog idk lost 3% of its health.
---

Just a couple more Whirlwinds to rack up some damage, but Luke was back out and I needed to get Skarm out of there.

kaonohiokala switched in AlligatorGar (lvl 100 Gengar ?).
is it a dog idk used Close Combat.
It doesn't affect AlligatorGar...
---
pant switched in how babby made (lvl 100 Jirachi).
Pointed stones dug into how babby made.
how babby made lost 6% of its health.
AlligatorGar used Focus Blast.
how babby made lost 39% of its health.
---
AlligatorGar used Focus Blast.
how babby made lost 39% of its health.
pant's how babby made fainted.
---

Okay, so Gengar got in and started it's Scarf'd Focus Blasts. Not that the Scarf was really needed in this situation. I was lucky not to miss though.

pant switched in Zapdos (lvl 100 Zapdos).
Zapdos is exerting its pressure!
Pointed stones dug into Zapdos.
Zapdos lost 25% of its health.

Stealth Rock is working it's charm. Very important for what's coming up next.

kaonohiokala switched in Fatty (lvl 100 Blissey ?).
Zapdos used Protect.
Zapdos protected itself!
Zapdos's leftovers restored its health a little!
Zapdos restored 6% of its health.
---
pant switched in Kingdra (lvl 100 Kingdra ?).
Pointed stones dug into Kingdra.
Kingdra lost 12% of its health.
Fatty used Aromatherapy.
Kingdra's leftovers restored its health a little!
Kingdra restored 6% of its health.
---

Surprise! It's ClericBliss! Healed both Hariyama's and Skarm's paralysis (not completely necessary but reduces hax full paralysis). It got in on Protect (opponent didn't know it was a ScarfGar obviously) and healed up my team while oppoenent switches. Feeling pretty good about this battle right now...

kaonohiokala switched in Hurry Mama (lvl 100 Hariyama ?).
Kingdra used Dragon Dance.
Kingdra's attack was raised.
Kingdra's speed was raised.
Hurry Mama's leftovers restored its health a little!
Hurry Mama restored 6% of its health.
Kingdra's leftovers restored its health a little!
Kingdra restored 6% of its health.
---

With Skarm imprisoned by the present Metagross gave it, I decided to bring out Hariyama as my Kingdra counter. It certainly couldn't survive more than 2 direct hits from it, but I thought that it could at least bring it down a couple notches.

Hurry Mama used Fake Out.
Kingdra lost 16% of its health.
Kingdra flinched!
Hurry Mama's leftovers restored its health a little!
Hurry Mama restored 6% of its health.
Kingdra's leftovers restored its health a little!
Kingdra restored 6% of its health.
---
Hurry Mama used Close Combat.
Kingdra lost 75% of its health.
Hurry Mama's defence was lowered.
Hurry Mama's special defence was lowered.
Kingdra used Rest.
Kingdra fell asleep!
Kingdra restored 85% of its health.
Hurry Mama's leftovers restored its health a little!
Hurry Mama restored 2% of its health.
---

The Rest got me crying. I was REALLY close to knocking it out and then it just rests up it's paralysis AND low HP. But then I realized that the moveset was Dragon Dance/Rest/Sleep Talk/Waterfall, not to mention it didn't have rain support atm. I was highly considering using you-know-who, but there were safer options at the moment.

Kingdra is fast asleep!
Kingdra used Sleep Talk.
Kingdra used Outrage.
Hurry Mama lost 87% of its health.
Hurry Mama used Knock Off.
A critical hit!
Kingdra lost 15% of its health.
Hurry Mama knocked off foe Kingdra's Leftovers!
Hurry Mama's leftovers restored its health a little!
Hurry Mama restored 6% of its health.
---
Kingdra is fast asleep!
Kingdra used Sleep Talk.
Kingdra used Dragon Dance.
Kingdra's attack was raised.
Kingdra's speed was raised.
Hurry Mama used Close Combat.
Kingdra lost 65% of its health.
Hurry Mama's defence was lowered.
Hurry Mama's special defence was lowered.
Hurry Mama's leftovers restored its health a little!
Hurry Mama restored 6% of its health.
---
Kingdra woke up!
Kingdra used Outrage.
Kingdra went on a rampage!
Hurry Mama lost 25% of its health.
kaonohiokala's Hurry Mama fainted.
---

Okay, so Hariyama had an intense battle with a sleeping Kingdra. It was around 20% health by the time Hariyama got KO'd, so I could simply bring in Scarfmory for the kill.

kaonohiokala switched in Skarmory (lvl 100 Skarmory ?).
Kingdra used Outrage.
It's not very effective...
Skarmory lost 26% of its health.
Skarmory used Brave Bird.
Kingdra lost 20% of its health.
pant's Kingdra fainted.
Skarmory was hit by recoil!
Skarmory lost 7% of its health.
---

I love how Skarm can take in Outrages and then do whatever it pleases with it's four moves.

pant switched in Zapdos (lvl 100 Zapdos).
Zapdos is exerting its pressure!
Pointed stones dug into Zapdos.
Zapdos lost 25% of its health.
pant switched in is it a dog idk (lvl 100 Lucario ?).
Pointed stones dug into is it a dog idk.
is it a dog idk lost 3% of its health.
kaonohiokala switched in Fatty (lvl 100 Blissey ?).
---
kaonohiokala switched in AlligatorGar (lvl 100 Gengar ?).
is it a dog idk used Close Combat.
It doesn't affect AlligatorGar...
---
AlligatorGar used Focus Blast.
It's super effective!
A critical hit!
is it a dog idk lost 84% of its health.
pant's is it a dog idk fainted.
---

Scarfgar strikes again!

pant switched in huttburt (lvl 100 Metagross).
Pointed stones dug into huttburt.
huttburt lost 6% of its health.
kaonohiokala switched in Skarmory (lvl 100 Skarmory ?).
huttburt used Meteor Mash.
huttburt's attack missed!
huttburt's leftovers restored its health a little!
huttburt restored 6% of its health.
---
Skarmory used Roost.
Skarmory restored 50% of its health.
huttburt used Meteor Mash.
huttburt's attack missed!
huttburt's leftovers restored its health a little!
huttburt restored 6% of its health.
---
Skarmory used Roost.
Skarmory restored 4% of its health.
huttburt used Earthquake.
It's super effective!
Skarmory lost 36% of its health.
---
Skarmory used Roost.
Skarmory restored 36% of its health.
huttburt used Meteor Mash.
huttburt's attack missed!
---

Scarfmory takes it's time to heal against this piece of junk metal. At first I didn't know who to bring in. But then a light shown down on me and it became quite clear...

kaonohiokala switched in Bibarel (lvl 100 Bibarel ?).
huttburt used Meteor Mash.
It's not very effective...
Bibarel lost 31% of its health.
Bibarel's leftovers restored its health a little!
Bibarel restored 6% of its health.
---
pant: wat
kaonohiokala: lol
huttburt used Meteor Mash.
It's not very effective...
Bibarel lost 31% of its health.
Bibarel used Curse.
Bibarel's speed was lowered.
Bibarel's attack was raised.
Bibarel's defence was raised.
Bibarel's leftovers restored its health a little!
Bibarel restored 6% of its health.
---

Surprising he went for Meteor Mash over EQ. Misclick or lack of Bibarel knowledge, who knows?


kaonohiokala: GO MY BIBAREL
pant: oh god
pant switched in wat is this (lvl 100 Shaymin-s).
Pointed stones dug into wat is this.
wat is this lost 25% of its health.
Bibarel used Waterfall.
It's not very effective...
wat is this lost 38% of its health.
Bibarel's leftovers restored its health a little!
Bibarel restored 6% of its health.
---
Bibarel used Quick Attack.
wat is this lost 37% of its health.
pant's wat is this fainted.
Bibarel's leftovers restored its health a little!
Bibarel restored 6% of its health.
---

Bibarel's first kill, and a sweet one it was. Skymin uber? Lol, of course not as long as Bibarel (and Stealth Rock) are around.

pant switched in Zapdos (lvl 100 Zapdos).
Zapdos is exerting its pressure!
Pointed stones dug into Zapdos.
Zapdos lost 25% of its health.
kaonohiokala: ROCK THEIR SOX
Bibarel used Quick Attack.
Zapdos lost 32% of its health.
pant's Zapdos fainted.
Bibarel's leftovers restored its health a little!
Bibarel restored 6% of its health.
---

Bibarel's second kill. Stealth Rock helped a lot for this one.

pant: oh god oh god
pant switched in huttburt (lvl 100 Metagross).
Pointed stones dug into huttburt.
huttburt lost 6% of its health.
kaonohiokala: lololol
huttburt used Explosion.
A critical hit!
Bibarel lost 68% of its health.
kaonohiokala's Bibarel fainted.
pant's huttburt fainted.
kaonohiokala wins!
pant: oh u :3
pant has left the room.

Bibarel was about to water that sucka down, but sadly my opponent couldn't stand to be swept by a Bibarel and asploded.
 
You may want to expand your comments. They were pretty short and mainly summarized the previous turn.
 
that's about it, just write more insightful comments, because your current warstory is pretty bland.
Edit: Keep track of the score, and add pictures to make it more visually appealing :)
 
Three things:
-Use warmachine. It's a program which will edit your log to look pretty and be much more readable. There's a link to it in the DP resources sticky, IIRC.

-Don't reveal the ending before the battle begins. Titling the thread "Bibarel sweep" and saying "Jirachi wasn't even used this battle" ruins any surprise there may have been. I personally prefer not to know the opponent's team beforehand, so that I can be more immersed in the battle as you saw it, but I don't think that there is a broad consensus on this point, so that may just be me.

-Add more comments! This is by far the most important part. What were you thinking when you made your moves? What did you think the opponent would do? Why didn't you switch to x or do y attack? Read threads in the warstory archive to see what I mean in a way better than I can explain.

You have potential to be an entertaining warstory writer, so don't give up! Have lots of battles and warstory the closest, most exciting ones.
 
Might want to expand on the comments a lot more. stuff like lol skymin don't really cut it.

Don't post warstories where we know what will happen beforehand, like 'Bibarel sweep'.

Funny story though, very entertaining. I hope to see some more refined work from you ;D
 

cim

happiness is such hard work
is a Contributor Alumnusis a Smogon Media Contributor Alumnus
This is kind of "meh". A decent battle, but the story is basically this: Log of waht happened. Lol, exactly what happened, repeated back to you! Log of what happened. Lol, exactly what happened! Maybe I'll do this next!

It's dull, basically. Sorry...
 

Chou Toshio

Over9000
is an Artist Alumnusis a Forum Moderator Alumnusis a Community Contributor Alumnusis a Contributor Alumnusis a Top Smogon Media Contributor Alumnusis a Battle Simulator Moderator Alumnus
The title doesn't help either. It's as if star wars was entitled: "The bad guy is the protagonist's dad and he makes out with his sister!"
 

Matthew

I love weather; Sun for days
is a Site Content Manager Alumnusis a Forum Moderator Alumnusis a Tiering Contributor Alumnusis a Contributor Alumnusis a Battle Simulator Moderator Alumnus
The title doesn't help either. It's as if star wars was entitled: "The bad guy is the protagonist's dad and he makes out with his sister!"
I'm SO tempted to sig that...

Any way expand on the comments. You can remove things like Leftovers from the log as long as you out at the top of the game which pokemon are carrying it. The battle was decent, nothing really shocking happened.
 
Oh, I guess I didn't really know what the point of a warstory was. Thanks for clearing that up, I'll try to make it as suspenseful as possible next time...
 
The title doesn't help either. It's as if star wars was entitled: "The bad guy is the protagonist's dad and he makes out with his sister!"
That actually makes it sound like Vader snogged Leia lol.

Anyway, never mind the comments, I wasn't too enamoured with the battle either. The opponent should've just Earthquaked at the sight of Bibarel and been done with it. Then we might've gotten an interesting ending.
 
The title doesn't help either. It's as if star wars was entitled: "The bad guy is the protagonist's dad and he makes out with his sister!"
Darth Maul is Anakin Skywalker's dad? :happybrain:

But yeah the title is really bad, and your commentary is very bland as well. "ScarfGar strikes again!"? Wow. That ScarfGar sure is one crazy fellow.
 

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