How have your past girlfriend/boyfriend relationships been?

[moot]

I recently broke up with a girlfriend that I have been... seeing off and on for the last two months. The relationship was fine, nothing was going wrong, we were healthy sexually, and we were both sweet to each other and didn't want to hurt the other.

Only problem is that the last couple months I've been struggling with my identity and I finally came out as gay to her two days ago. I've never really felt like I've ever had more than a maternal compassion toward a female, despite what I might want to delude myself into thinking when it comes to relationships, and I just did not have any more desire for 'the fairer sex' any longer. The way I saw it was as a stroke of compassion, to keep from stringing her along any farther and hurting her even worse when she got ridiculously serious (as she would, knowing her personality type; we dated for a month about two years ago and she was throwing around the L word). She's not taking it well; she went into shock at school and missed four periods, but I talked to her yesterday and sorted things out and things seem to be okay for now. I just have felt really swamped the last two days and needed to get it off my chest ok!!!

 

[rbygsc kid 251]

I used to always complain about being single and "I'm never going to get a girlfriend!"

and then I got a girlfriend.

Lets just say, I'll never complain about being single again.

 

[Phadunk]

I used to always complain about being single and "I'm never going to get a girlfriend!"

and then I got a girlfriend.

Lets just say, I'll never complain about being single again.

Word.

Relationship for almost 3 years. Freedom.. gone. I know I'm missing out on the social experience of 20-25 yr olds.

 

[Tyranitar]

Girls are yucky-I'm not gay and no offense - nuff said

 

[Thund91]

Girls are yucky-I'm not gay and no offense - nuff said

Why would that make you gay? I'm gay and I think girls are more beautiful then guys. Am I straight now? :|

But I'd really like to know your reasons why you think girls are "yucky." =P

 

[toshimelonhead]

Wow, and I thought being single my whole life sucked.

I basically have had one quasi relationship in four years of high school. It wasn't enough to change my Facebook status to "in a relationship" but there was still something going on. It started around December '08. Nothing even remotely physical happened--I don't think we ever held hands. She was a year younger than me but was one of the smartest kids in her class. Our main interaction was daily 2-3 hour conversations on Facebook, which then went to phones. I don't use my cell so this didn't last all that long and wasn't really thinking about dating because I was battling depression and missing so much school that I didn't want her to see me like that all of the time. The only main date we ever went on was prom, and this lasted until school ended. She is now dating someone else.

All that year I was trying to get a girl from my AP Stats class. I was stupid enough to send her a "crush" slip when I knew she was already dating someone else, but I was desperate. And dumb. And probably mute because my depression already put me on life support and I didn't want a rejection to make things worse.

This was all during junior year. A few days ago I finally did get to ask the stats girl to prom, but I got a straight rejection. Honestly that didn't feel nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Wish I would have done that sooner.

It's hard so be single sometimes when everyone around you is couple walking and making out in the hallways. As for prom, I dunno if I'm going or not. The first girl from facebook will be in a group with all of my friends and I don't know if I could tolerate that like I did at our winter formal. I think my best bet is asking one of my childhood friends who I don't think has a date yet.

Note: she is going with a different group. Leaning towards not going.

 

[vonFiedler]

Relationship for almost 3 years. Freedom.. gone. I know I'm missing out on the social experience of 20-25 yr olds.

Social Experience, that's almost humorous. If you feel you don't have freedom with your girlfriend then dump her ass.

 

[MrIndigo]

 

[toshimelonhead]

I have to say that comic is pure win. I may print it out and post it somewhere so I can laugh at it all the time.

 

[2gig]

Relationship for almost 3 years. Freedom.. gone. I know I'm missing out on the social experience of 20-25 yr olds.

This is probably a load of crap. From my experience with friends and my own previous relationship, when people in relationships say that they have no freedom, it's usually their own faults. For instance, my ex-girlfriend always complained that she didn't have any freedom and that she never got to hang out with her friends. Now, I never stopped her from hanging out with her friends, nor did I have a problem with her wanting to be with her friends more often. She actually blamed me because she would always rather hang out with me than her friends, which caused her to seldom spend time with her friends. And then she accused me of being on top of her all the time, but she was the one who encouraged me to take so many courses and participate in extra curricular activities with her. In a relationship you have as much freedom as you designate for yourself. If the amount of freedom you need causes problems in your relationships, then either you just haven't found the girl that's right for you or you're not mature enough to be in a serious relationship. Yes, you will inevitably end up sacrificing some freedom, but unless you're upset because you can't fool around with random women, what you gain from a healthy, loving relationship is very much worth it. And honestly, I can't imagine that spending your 20s screwing random women is more fulfilling than having a serious, meaningful relationship.

 

[OzoneFire]

Gotta agree with 2gig, not in the 20 yet but ive been spending 2 years with my gf and i have to admit it has been pretty amazing, u can always manage to get time to do the things that you like to do alone or with friends.

 

[vonFiedler]

And honestly, I can't imagine that spending your 20s screwing random women is more fulfilling than having a serious, meaningful relationship.

I can, and it isn't.

 

[P Mystery]

Whatever you do, gentlemen, if you simply want a shot at love, just grow - tall, that is. I'm 5'0", 43-years-old, and I now see that I was doomed from the beginning.

Failing to achieve anything of importance in life also hurts your chances badly, as realizing, despite your best efforts, you failed to build anything of significance and will be forgotten the day after your death irrevocably crushes your confidence (well, really, everything about you). Hilariously, I can attest that it's still not as detrimental as being short when it comes to dating - there are depressed, old, female failures looking to sadly settle for love as their only achievement as well, but not short lovers. Also, do not wait too long to enter at least one relationship, as I can assure you, women over ~35 will be repulsed by your utter lack of romantic experience, not intrigued in the slightest, regardless of other circumstances. Yes, even the apparently kind and open-minded Fishy will become that way, eventually. Hurry, get to kissing!

 

[rbygsc kid 251]

I'm starting to be under the impression that most people in their 20's put themselves up to high on a pedestal or degrade themselves so much that it is unattractive. Neither one of these is good at all. Some have mentioned that healthy relationships are way better than having sex with random people. Well, DUH! But the real problem that comes with trying to find some of these relationships is that some folks just think that their shit doesn't stink.

But something amazing happens when people turn that special age of 30-37. They realize that their shit does stink! and they become less picky, and they knock themselves off of the pedestal. Now this is what I am waiting for. For the majority of women to hit this age range where they are no longer so arrogant its ridiculous.

 

[2gig]

I'm starting to be under the impression that most people in their 20's put themselves up to high on a pedestal or degrade themselves so much that it is unattractive. Neither one of these is good at all. Some have mentioned that healthy relationships are way better than having sex with random people. Well, DUH! But the real problem that comes with trying to find some of these relationships is that some folks just think that their shit doesn't stink.

But something amazing happens when people turn that special age of 30-37. They realize that their shit does stink! and they become less picky, and they knock themselves off of the pedestal. Now this is what I am waiting for. For the majority of women to hit this age range where they are no longer so arrogant its ridiculous.

I'm only 17, and I'll admit that I can often be caught, red-handed, putting myself up on a pedestal. This was a serious issue for the first year and a half or so of my relationship with my last serious ex. It wasn't so much that I thought she was awful and I wasn't, but rather she let me push her around and allowed me to make habits that shouldn't have been made. I used to think I was an amazing boyfriend, but this was based on the false opinion of me that she'd been expressing. A little communication would've gone a long way, and while I wasn't perfect, she handled it in one of the worst possible ways. For the complete story, see this post that everyone ignored.

As far as trying to pinpoint an age range for when people grow out of this is concerned, I think that's absolute nonsense. Also, I think that age range you specified hasn't so much matured in how they go about relationships but rather is becoming more worried about having a secure future, making them willing to "settle for less".

 

[rbygsc kid 251]

Well, after reading your lengthy post and your last post, I am left with 3 large questions marks over my head.

First off, after reading your lengthy post, I gotta say I'm so blessed that I didn't date anyone in high school. In fact, I didn't even attempt to talk to anybody until 11th grade, and didn't go on my first date until 12th grade. THe reason that I'm saying this is because, as I was reading I just wanted to say, "this is a bunch of bull crap" why do people do this? That's not really the point though.

Secondly, perhaps you are right about the pinpointing the age thing. Perhaps there are some people who are just NEVER arrogant or are arrogant to a very small degree. I mean I have met plenty of 40+ arrogant people. But what I am guessing is that most people finally GET it, and they realize, DAMN if I don't change, I am going to be f*****, Which I think ties into your point of a non secure future.

EDIT: by three large question marks, I just mean that I am really confused, not that I actually had 3 points to make.

 

[2gig]

Well, after reading your lengthy post and your last post, I am left with 3 large questions marks over my head.

First off, after reading your lengthy post, I gotta say I'm so blessed that I didn't date anyone in high school. In fact, I didn't even attempt to talk to anybody until 11th grade, and didn't go on my first date until 12th grade. THe reason that I'm saying this is because, as I was reading I just wanted to say, "this is a bunch of bull crap" why do people do this? That's not really the point though.

Well, maybe you feel blessed because you didn't have the actual experience. On paper (or in a post, har har), what I went through looks like a bunch of bull crap, but I don't regret any of it. I've only grown more mature thanks to my experiences with her, and I'll benefit from being able to put what I've learned to good use when I find someone else.

Secondly, perhaps you are right about the pinpointing the age thing. Perhaps there are some people who are just NEVER arrogant or are arrogant to a very small degree. I mean I have met plenty of 40+ arrogant people. But what I am guessing is that most people finally GET it, and they realize, DAMN if I don't change, I am going to be f*****, Which I think ties into your point of a non secure future.

I see what you're saying, but I don't think that, for most people, there ever is a point when they "finally get it". It'd explain why (more than?) about half of marriages here in the US, while so many more are unhappy marriages. This relates to my statements above on my preview relationship. Thanks to that fiasco, I believe I'm starting to get it, though I know I have a ways to go.

EDIT: by three large question marks, I just mean that I am really confused, not that I actually had 3 points to make.

If you'll specific what you're confused by, I'll try to clear things up for you.

 

[rbygsc kid 251]

You have done quite a great job at clearing things up for me. I myself have been in a relationship for 4 months but I was 20 years old, and it was a couple of years ago, so I know a LITTLE something, but it was nothing serious, like you just mentioned. Anyways, thanks for sharing all of that.

 

[Eraddd]

So good evening Smogon. I'd like to discuss my situation :

I'm an seventeen year old kid in my senior year. Currently I really really like this one girl that is one year less than me. Problem: Well essentially, we've only talked a few times sporadically over the past three years (we haven't talked to each other in around a few months, and yet I still like her), and I don't know how to approach her. We play in the same Jazz Band and the fact that I'll just randomly go up to her and start talking to her would to me be kinda awkward. Furthermore, I'm leaving for Toronto/Waterloo/Montreal in a few months for post secondary education, so would it be worth pursuing this?

Finally, I'd like to discuss why I'm such a pussy in talking to other girls. In middle school, I was bullied mainly by the girls. The guys were all right to me. They were nice. The girls just picked the hell out of me, my appearance, my speech, my everything. Hell, I went from this kid who just liked being with people, anyone, to this kid who just closed in his shell, cynical as hell of the world. Because of this, I have a sort of cynical view of woman, and I just can't seem to talk to many of them. The only reason why I have friends that are girls are because they've approached me, and not vice versa. So, I have some psychological scars as well, which is detrimental to my current and future dilemnas.

Feel free to weigh in?

 

[MrIndigo]

So good evening Smogon. I'd like to discuss my situation :

I'm an seventeen year old kid in my senior year. Currently I really really like this one girl that is one year less than me. Problem: Well essentially, we've only talked a few times sporadically over the past three years (we haven't talked to each other in around a few months, and yet I still like her), and I don't know how to approach her. We play in the same Jazz Band and the fact that I'll just randomly go up to her and start talking to her would to me be kinda awkward. Furthermore, I'm leaving for Toronto/Waterloo/Montreal in a few months for post secondary education, so would it be worth pursuing this?

Finally, I'd like to discuss why I'm such a pussy in talking to other girls. In middle school, I was bullied mainly by the girls. The guys were all right to me. They were nice. The girls just picked the hell out of me, my appearance, my speech, my everything. Hell, I went from this kid who just liked being with people, anyone, to this kid who just closed in his shell, cynical as hell of the world. Because of this, I have a sort of cynical view of woman, and I just can't seem to talk to many of them. The only reason why I have friends that are girls are because they've approached me, and not vice versa. So, I have some psychological scars as well, which is detrimental to my current and future dilemnas.

Feel free to weigh in?

If the girl knows you as a guy in her band, just sit down near her during/after/before practice one day and either chip in on her conversation with others (if you have something relevant to say), or just say Hi when you show up.

It's not that awkward to talk to people you don't know well. I do it with people in my law class (of 100) whom I don't even know the name of, sometimes.

That said, if you're moving away, I wouldn't bother pursuing anything with her. You'll meet a hundred new people at college.

 

[mtr]

Regarding your psychological trauma: I think all of us have, at one point in our lives, been unfairly slighted by a human, especially by a member of the opposite sex. The thing to realize is that there are some girls that are bitchy, and some girls that are genuinely nice and interesting.

Also, don't lend any legitimacy to what a MIDDLE SCHOOL girl thinks/thought of you. Those chicks are practically illiterate, lol.

 

[chingman78]

I have yet to kiss a girl and im in college, not very social. I prefer to be left alone with my weights. I have a couple of female friends but just cant get them past teh whole friend zone concept. Haven't even gone to a party yet.

 

[Siete]

I have yet to kiss a girl and im in college, not very social. I prefer to be left alone with my weights. I have a couple of female friends but just cant get them past teh whole friend zone concept. Haven't even gone to a party yet.

Maybe it's cliche, but odds are, you'll find someone. Just don't pull a Robert Cohn and decide to spend your life with the first woman who gives you any attention. That rarely ends well, unless you're extremely lucky.

I guess I'll answer the title, now that I'm here.
Before my freshman year of High School, I had yet to even really hold a conversation with any girl. I was relatively asocial as far as school life went, and rarely attending any of the dances or parties the school held.
First year of High School, I started going out with this girl. She lived in an entirely different state from I, so I only managed to see her once a week at best. I was completely nervous every time I was around her, and when she hugged me for the first time, I was just paralysed. Eventually, she got sick of my...inexperience, I guess, and just stopped talking to me. I didn't really understand what was going on, so I assumed that it was my fault. After that, I didn't really think about relationships until this year, my Junior year of High School. I randomly decided to become friends with this girl who was a friend of a friend on Facebook. We started talking a lot, as in, every day for about three months. Eventually, at random, she kissed me, and I guess we started going out. We've been going out for a while now, and I genuinely want it to last. And I think she does too. :P

By the way, out of curiosity, how many people on here were in a relatively serious relationship prior to their Sophomore year of High School? I'm just wondering what kind of people get into serious relationships at that age. YMMV as far as what "serious" means. Just curious.

- 7

 

[Wishy]

So good evening Smogon. I'd like to discuss my situation :

I'm an seventeen year old kid in my senior year. Currently I really really like this one girl that is one year less than me. Problem: Well essentially, we've only talked a few times sporadically over the past three years (we haven't talked to each other in around a few months, and yet I still like her), and I don't know how to approach her. We play in the same Jazz Band and the fact that I'll just randomly go up to her and start talking to her would to me be kinda awkward. Furthermore, I'm leaving for Toronto/Waterloo/Montreal in a few months for post secondary education, so would it be worth pursuing this?

Finally, I'd like to discuss why I'm such a pussy in talking to other girls. In middle school, I was bullied mainly by the girls. The guys were all right to me. They were nice. The girls just picked the hell out of me, my appearance, my speech, my everything. Hell, I went from this kid who just liked being with people, anyone, to this kid who just closed in his shell, cynical as hell of the world. Because of this, I have a sort of cynical view of woman, and I just can't seem to talk to many of them. The only reason why I have friends that are girls are because they've approached me, and not vice versa. So, I have some psychological scars as well, which is detrimental to my current and future dilemnas.

Feel free to weigh in?

Sorry to go off on a tangent a bit, but I absolutely despised middle school. After middle school and all the bullying, I became an absolute asshole. I didn't even realize what a jerk I turned into until a year ago... I'm nicer now, glad I was able to get out of that shadow and finally rid myself of all the scars and finally move on.

 

[Oddish On Fire]

Hello. My names Oof, and I'm having girl problems. There is this girl who liked me when she was in seventh grade whilst I was in eighth, and at the time I was a FUCKING IDIOT for not reciprocating it. I didn't know her very well so I turned her down. We became friends through it, and I slowly began to realize that I liked her quite a bit. During my freshman year, people started to realize that I liked her, and my sister told her... Well, it turned out she was dating someone, so I hoped it would end. It still hasn't.They've been dating for almost four years. I stopped liking her as much, but I always had it in the back of my head that I would love to date her, even during numerous other relationships. Recently, she's become what is probably my best friend, and it's killing me because I REALLY like her. We agree on everything, we laugh about everything, we tell eachother everything, and I even think we have some sexual tension going on. (I've seen her naked twice.) Problem is, SHE HAS BEEN DATING A GUY FOR FOUR FUCKING YEARS!!! They constanly argue and they're complete opposites, but they never end up breaking up. I really have no idea what to do.

Rant over. That actually helped.