It's the last day of February, and that means that for me, 2017 in movies is over. All that's left is to be disappointed by the oscars, but in terms of what I watch, I'm moving on.
So it's time to remember the best and worst films of the year.
10 Worst Films of 2017
10. Lost City of Z
I went into this film not knowing that it was based on "history". I just wanted this guy to find a lost city, but there's no lost city and not a lot of searching even. And yet you can't defend it by saying it's historically accurate, because the real explorer was a complete hack fraud and an incorrigible racist even relative to his time. But that wouldn't sell, so a real monster has been rebranded as a social justice warrior. This just seems wrong on every level. Also, Charlie Hunnam is one of THE worst actors I have ever seen.
9. Vengeance: A Love Story
I was going to list Nic Cage movies as honorable mentions, but you'll see why I didn't later. A Love Story is one of the worst kinds of Nic Cage movies: the few he actually makes worse. Based on a provocative book and boasting a good actress and even a good child actress, this story actually has a little potential. But you can tell the director/producers just didn't care. Water down the narrative, miscast Nic Cage, throw it straight to digital.
8. Colombus
Want to learn about old buildings? John Cho puts in a horribly placid performance, and the great female lead doesn't save it from being boring.
7. Lady MacBeth
"It's like if Hitchcock made Wuthering Heights" said the trailers. Hitchcock did make Wuthering Heights. It's called Jamaica Inn. We were off to a bad start before the film even started playing. Dull period piece with unlikable characters that ends suddenly after the 2nd act.
6. A Cure for Wellness
Probably this year's textbook bad movie. I don't even dislike Dane DeHaan's performance. A lot of people write him as trying to act way cooler than he actually is, but when I think about this as an attribute of his characters, it becomes more interesting. Still, this film is a mess. It as at best occasionally uncomfortable. The problem is that it climaxes over and over and over again. MC confronts villains. Loses. Repeat until he wins. Not clear at all why they never just kill him.
5.
Inconceivable
Another Nic Cage movie that doesn't feature a lot of Cage, nor is he very Cagey when on screen. The title isn't just dumb word garbage, because this is a pregnancy thriller! It seems almost competent at first, but eventually the weird dialogue and gossipy old mother character starts reminding me of another film... "I just got the results of the test back. I definitely have boat accident." A big twist makes you wonder why MC is acting like a crazy bitch when we're supposed to sympathize with her, then ANOTHER reveals that she's just a crazy bitch. Oh okay.
4. Death Note
I really appreciate movies that are awful within 5 minutes. It really streamlines things. This doesn't resemble Death Note, but it also only barely resembles a film. Nothing works here.
It's bad.
3. Ferdinand
Already ranted about this oscar nominated film. I would expect this level of quality from third world Pixar knockoff.
2. Arsenal
Nic Cage plays a small part as the villain. At least he has a high Cage quotient per time spent on screen. On the subject of a character's underage daughter, "Don't worry, I won't touch her. She's too young for my taste.
Wait a minute... she's JUST right." God bless you Nic Cage. If only you were in more of this film where other things happened probably.
1. Prevenge
I don't know if this is supposed to be a film for feminists to indulge in sick fantasies about? It's just fucked up. Not good kind of fucked up. Just like, ugh, really.
20 Best Films of 2017 (narrowing down was hard as fuck)
20. Brigsby Bear
Lonely Island associated production with a very interesting concept, a lot of fun, and a performance by Mark Hamill to rival his other big role this year.
19. mother!
Man, I don't know what the fuck this film was all about in the end. I doubt anyone really does. And if it was all just the director getting high as fuck, well, I'm glad I got to see the result.
18. Mom and Dad
Oh shit! I had heard this film was good, but I had no idea it would be the best Nic Cage film I've seen yet. Imagine Crank, but instead of action, it's horror; and instead of Jason Statham, it's Nic Cage; and instead of having to keep your heart pumping, it's needing to kill your children. Fantastic cinematography throughout. Rarely shows it's violence, but in the classic masters sort of way, not in the PG-13 horror way (this is a hard R film). Nic Cage doesn't even freak out until halfway through the film, and at that point, you're already enthralled.
17. Colossal
The movie where Anne Hathaway controls a giant monster in Korea. A rollercoster of emotions. Very compelling when you discover what the
real monster is.
16. The Disaster Artist
It might not be as good as the book, but what is? This was a very hilarious film celebrating another favorite classic.
Honorable Mention #1 (only came out in America in 2017, but a 2016 film)
I, Daniel Blake
The first thing I've seen from this director, but now I'm curious to see more. An immaculately likable character drives a great fight-the-power film.
Honorable Mention #2
In This Corner of the World
Slice of period piece but then shit gets real when you learn where and when the characters are... better than Grave of the Fireflies by a good margin imo.
15. Brawl in Cell Block 99
Vince Vaughn, intimidating beast may be one of the surprises of the year. This is a fight movie, but without much fighting. It's a slow burn until it builds up to the eponymous fight, and boy is it worth the wait.
14. Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri
McDonagh's best film so far. Thematically complex and never a dull moment.
13. It
Please keep making things about kids fighting evil in the 80s. As a bonus, no one has to try to like the old miniseries anymore.
12. The Lego Batman Movie
Does for DC what the original Lego Movie did more animation. Now let's hope we see actual improvement.
11. Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 2
It's GotG with the same characters but a better villain and an actual plot. How did anyone think this wasn't a superior sequel again?
10. The Shape of Water
Another Del Toro fairy tale that almost reaches the heights of Pan's Labyrinth. Also Sally Hawkins is best girl and she needs to win that oscar.
9. Wind River
A Taylor Sheridan movie with even more Taylor Sheridan than ever before. Really should have gotten more hype.
8. Spider-Man Homecoming
Marvel is on fire and they're really going to fuck up my top 250 if they keep going at this pace. Making a better Spider-Man movie than 2 is one thing, but making the Vulture a top tier villain? With all this hype about Killmonger, he's great and all, but let's not forget about Birdman.
7. The Big Sick
Easily the biggest oscar snub.
6. Get Out
The nominee most deserving of best picture.
5. Their Finest
Really sad that this film is basically unknown. It got good reviews, but I think few people saw it. This just has everything you want in a film. It's a fictional film that actually convinced me that it was a biopic.
4. Baby Driver
Bell... bottoms...
3. Thor: Ragnarok
Petition for Taika Waititi to make all Marvel movies. He is one of the best people ever.
2. The Last Jedi
Suck it MRA. Women were always in positions of power in Star Wars, a series where the only prominent male leader was wizard Hitler. At least be consistent with your bullshit. All my hardcore conservative friends in real world Idaho loved this film. It is
possibly the best Star Wars film. But I think even have to spend a lot of time and rewatches to be sure. Either way, I'm waaaay more excited for Rian Johnson trilogy than I am for Episode 9 (and fuck whoever thought it was a good idea to give a trilogy to the Game of Thrones showrunners).
1. Logan
The new Citizen Kane.