Really? I swear Lion King was PG out here. Don't know about Mulan.
-
Welcome to Smogon! Take a moment to read the Introduction to Smogon for a run-down on everything Smogon, and make sure you take some time to read the global rules.
-
Congrats to the winners of the 2023 Smog Awards!
Virginity
- Thread starter Bam
- Start date
- Status
~Yes I am virgin. I'm still one because I don't care for sex. I'm just not interested, neither in sex nor in romance.
~I don't really care. As long as both parties are happy and willing, why not? On the other hand, if someone prefers to avoid it, why not? It's like someone who's vegetarian by choice. I'm not vegetarian, but I'm not going to make a vegetarian eat meat, or even cast disdain on his choice. It's his decision, I don't care.
~Is it worth keeping the ruler you used in primary school? It's essentially a non-issue, because whichever way you decide has no significance. I view virginity the same way. Keep it if you want, give it away / lose it if you want. I don't really care and neither does it matter.
~It's generally not talked about, at least where I live. That's for certain. However, the same could be said about sex in general.
~I'm a virgin, so technically this does not apply to me, but I'll go ahead and answer anyway - it's his / her decision. (S)he must make the choices, and I have no opinion whatsoever.
~You must be willing, of course. Beyond that it's just feeling ready for it. However, I've not actually experienced sex (and will not for the foreseeable future) so I can't say for sure.
Are you a virgin? If it's not a personal question.
1. Definitions of virginity vary. Some people consider oral sex to count, some don't. Same for anal and, I presume, skullfucking. I personally consider it all the same, a mental thing as opposed to purely physical - amongst other reasons, otherwise masturbation would count. However, I haven't encountered (or desired) anything that could be considered sex, nor kissed anyone. My own various sexual issues which I only finally accepted last year led to repression which led to isolation, so I wouldn't know how to go about dating even if I wanted to.
2 & 3 I see no inherent value in virginity, now or historically. It's an individual thing. Many people want their first time to be "special", others don't. It's all fine. Personally, sex doesn't appeal to me, again because of my problems.
4. Question not addressed to my kind, but I'll answer anyway: outside opinions shouldn't come into it and the individual circumstances should be taken into account (i.e. someone into monogamy dating a nymphomaniac could very well lose her if he/she isn't willing to have sex but refuses to allow her to go elsewhere and continue a platonic relationship until partner 1 is "ready" for sex).
5. The only "requirements" to be "ready" for sex are consent and ability. If you can get it up and give your consent, you're "ready". Emotionally, it varies.
Seeing that reminded me of Zach and Miri make a Porno (yes, that was an awful movie).
That movie was going to recieve an X rating unless it toned down some of it's sex. The director remarked it was ironic that movies like Hostel and Saw get away with an R rating while showing people cut up, mutilated, and having thier eyes ripped out, while showing two people having sex is considered worse.
I can't stay for long, but I am asexual. I think this MAY have SLIGHTY been PARTIALLY due to my SEMI-aloof childhood.
But aaaanyways, virgin for life ^^
Oh, I've never in a relationship before I went asexual, so that sorta says something 0_o
I recall as a child of five, the most horrifying thing in the world was the realization that I'd die. I'd cry if a protagonist died in a movie. I got no sleep for an entire summer because I'd think about death and how much I love life. Personally, I think society is wrong to say that murder is appropriate for kids but sex is not.
In all of the forums I've been on, I've never seen a topic like this. Kinda touchy, but it's interesting to read what everyone else has said here, and it kind of eases how I used to feel when I was 14-17 years old. Anyway...
If I was single and met a guy that I knew casually slept around with whomever, I can't really take him seriously if I want a solid relationship.
Maybe it's not just the act of sex, but can I trust this person to love me and only me? Not for sex, but they want to be with me?
No, I'm not a virgin. It wasn't really a decision in the way of, "Should I really go through with this?" When I saw my boyfriend for the first time, I knew that he was it.
I think casual sex cheapens the act and has really made an impact on the state of humanity. There's people out there who don't care about the feelings of the partners they hook up with for a night, or an on going "friends with benefits" relationship. It's not virginity I'm necesarily preaching about valuing, I'm just arguing that having sex should be something that you do with someone you have an intimate bond with.
If I was single and met a guy that I knew casually slept around with whomever, I can't really take him seriously if I want a solid relationship.
Maybe it's not just the act of sex, but can I trust this person to love me and only me? Not for sex, but they want to be with me?
It's worth keeping due to the fact that ... Well, an example, the OP stated that his girlfriend wished she had been a little more careful as to losing her virginity. This is why it's worth keeping. Maybe you'll meet someone better down the road, and you'll wish, "Hey, I really wish I could've given this one thing to him/her."
The people I know are accepting as to whether or not you're a virgin. It's not a topic of concern. It doesn't make you less of a person. Unless you're the type of person who makes getting laid to lose your virginity a priority and obsession. then it just shows your lame personality.
That's not for me to decide. If someone came to me for that, all I could tell them is to reflect on their feelings for this person. Then again, if they're coming to me for advice, they're second guessing themselves and maybe they're not ready because of this.
I had a hard time getting intimate with anyone I started dating. It was forced upon me once when I was younger, and I stopped dating after that. I knew I was waiting for the right person, and I just didn't wanna have sex so I could have some sort of high social status. When I met my current boyfriend, there was something different there from all of the guys I met. We had a bond, and I felt differently for him in a way I've never felt or any other human being. It wasn't just sexually, but it was a strong bond we have; to where I could feel comfortable with him and my body. We indulged in each other's intellects. Finally, we moved to the next level.
This is something that really sucks. I was so close to losing my virginity when I was 14, but I forced the guy off of me and broke up with him. I'm so glad I just didn't let this happen. I wouldn't have been able to share this one private intimate thing with my current boyfriend. I'm so happy knowing that I made the right choice. Even if we do break up, I'll still be content in knowing that I kept it for him.
Hey, I really wish I could have given my first kiss, or my first hug, or my first holding hands, or the first time I ever ate an apple with someone to this person. Should it mean I don't do any of those things in case I meet someone better in the future?
This isn't an argument explaining the value of virginity, it presupposes the value of virginity and then makes a statement based on it.
Yes, yes it was - but I secretly loved it anyway :D
Oh definately! It's not ironic it's just plain wrong!!
- Are you a virgin? If so, then why are you still one? If not, then what made you decide to lose it/give it away?
You're taking this to the extreme and twisting my words around. Why do people choose to hold on to their virginity? Because it obviously means a lot to them. Why do some people regret losing their virginity? Because it means a lot to them. Take what you value and hold on to it. Whatever it may be.
everyone should watch This Film is Not Yet Rated.
fucking excellent documentary on exactly that subject.
Yes I am a virgin but I don't really mind. Holding out for that special someone or whatever. I got pretty close with a few girls but they have all been drunk so I don't like taking advantage of them.
Its pretty wierd at university with people asking for a sexual partner for winter in the universitys student magizine.
Personally i don't like the whole casual sex thing because i think that sometimes its hard for the sex to continue to be casual.
However this brings up something else. The term sex is somewhat defferent to the term "making love"
I think that sex is a throwback term and why its possiable to have casual sex.
Making love is almost im possiable to do casually, making love is when the really connection between people in a relationship begins.
Its pretty wierd at university with people asking for a sexual partner for winter in the universitys student magizine.
Personally i don't like the whole casual sex thing because i think that sometimes its hard for the sex to continue to be casual.
However this brings up something else. The term sex is somewhat defferent to the term "making love"
I think that sex is a throwback term and why its possiable to have casual sex.
Making love is almost im possiable to do casually, making love is when the really connection between people in a relationship begins.
- Are you a virgin? If so, then why are you still one? If not, then what made you decide to lose it/give it away?
Not that I hold onto them, but I've had chances and done a fair amount of stuff, but it never felt right when I was doing so and I never wanted to take it much further. Perhaps that makes me "sissy" by todays general standard, whatever, but I don't regret not doing it. The one time I do regret not doing something is more down to me often wondering whether it would have been more of a platform for me to build something with this girl who I did quite like, but she didn't care much for me afterwards so I'm probably better off..
- What are your views on the idea of "casual sex" or, in general, the value of virginity? Is it something worth keeping?
Casual sex isn't like the squid in the kitchen for me, (anyone who gets that is cool) it happens. It just doesn't appeal to me, which is why I don't do it. As for the value of virginity, I think it's grossly overrated, both positively and negatively. We are who we are, yet some people decide to judge us entirely on whether we've 'pulled' or not, but that shouldn't define us. Like I said, in my case it's a more lack of having a relationship where it could happen (my first proper relationship was with a girl who, despite changing since, wasn't happy with sex at all due to her past experiences and perhaps that has changed my view on it, but I was happy to be with her despite that).
- If it is, why do you think it's worth keeping? If not, justify why it's lost its value.
It's overly exaggerated, but that's down to a fantastic mix of different views. If you're with someone you're comfortable doing it with, which is an entirely different subject, I'm happy for you. If you're an unlucky one like myself who is more unfortunate in that he's not found someone he's happy being close to.
- Do you think there's a certain dogma about being a virgin? Is it generally accepted, approved upon, or criticized?
- What emotional and relational requirements do you think there are for being ready to have sex for the first time?
Yes, but you appeared to be using that as an explanation as to why people value their virginity at all (i.e. people value their virginity because they can only share it with one person, therefore they want to hold onto it so they can share it with someone special). I was pointing out that argument is circular, as the sharing it with someone special does not, of itself, make virginity more valuable. It only holds if you presuppose the value of virginity; then you get that people value their virginity because they value their virginity.
It's not circular, it just implies virginity has value.
Why do people value virginity?
Because virginity has value.
Why does virginity have value?
Because people value it.
It's at best circular, at worst tautological. Either way, it offers no explanation as to why someone should believe that they should save their virginity. (I'm not trying to suggest that this is what he is espousing, either, just pointing out the meaninglessness of the explanation he offered).
I'm sorry if this is too old to be bumped, but it is too interesting of a topic and I had to reply.
Now on to my point. Do not sell yourself short because of things going on around you. Do not let the fact that she had sex before she was with you or that she cheated on you force you to cave in. Don't let sex or virginity lose its value to you because of these things.
2. Casual sex is irresponsible and meaningless. I don't see the appeal of casual sex, besides the temporary sensory satisfaction. Why is there an awkward/guilty feeling after masturbating, but not after a one night stand?
3. Virginity is definitely worth keeping. The idea of sex invoking an emotional connection with the person is largely true. Sure, you can have casual sex with hundreds of partners and not think twice about any of them, but is it really too
that the thought of two people so close together, enjoying each others' bodies can lead to at least one partner to become more attached, not just physically but emotionally to the other partner?
4. The media ridicules virginity to an extent, but even movies like 40 Year-old Virgin (which is absolutely hilarious) treat Steve Carrel's character as a typical -albeit a bit more quirky than usual- dude with the desire to have sex, just like any other. I was actually surprised at the end how he actually lost his virginity after the wedding, and I thought that was pretty cool.
5. Well, first comes the emotional aspects. Find someone you have a mutual, HEALTHY emotional connection with. Next comes the relationship. My pastor offered an interesting perspective on relationships: have a long relationship (courtship) and a short engagement. The courtship should consist of getting to know the heart of your partner and to strengthen the emotional bond, while the short engagement is to minimize the gap of time of increasingly heavy temptation, since some Christians see engagement as the time where you can finally have sex.
I'm not judging your girlfriend. Personally, I detest cheating and any form of it, but I do not know your girlfriend and I am not a personal witness of your relationship and I do not know the details of her loyalty to you. You make it clear that her second chance is valid and it seems like you love her very much.
Now on to my point. Do not sell yourself short because of things going on around you. Do not let the fact that she had sex before she was with you or that she cheated on you force you to cave in. Don't let sex or virginity lose its value to you because of these things.
1. I am still a virgin, and I am 23. My girlfriend is 22 and she too is a virgin. We have been dating for 6 years and there has been no sex. We are both Christians and sex is not a priority to us, nor is it an appropriate activity in our relationship
2. Casual sex is irresponsible and meaningless. I don't see the appeal of casual sex, besides the temporary sensory satisfaction. Why is there an awkward/guilty feeling after masturbating, but not after a one night stand?
3. Virginity is definitely worth keeping. The idea of sex invoking an emotional connection with the person is largely true. Sure, you can have casual sex with hundreds of partners and not think twice about any of them, but is it really too
4. The media ridicules virginity to an extent, but even movies like 40 Year-old Virgin (which is absolutely hilarious) treat Steve Carrel's character as a typical -albeit a bit more quirky than usual- dude with the desire to have sex, just like any other. I was actually surprised at the end how he actually lost his virginity after the wedding, and I thought that was pretty cool.
5. Well, first comes the emotional aspects. Find someone you have a mutual, HEALTHY emotional connection with. Next comes the relationship. My pastor offered an interesting perspective on relationships: have a long relationship (courtship) and a short engagement. The courtship should consist of getting to know the heart of your partner and to strengthen the emotional bond, while the short engagement is to minimize the gap of time of increasingly heavy temptation, since some Christians see engagement as the time where you can finally have sex.
Since when do people feel awkward/guilty after masturbating???
No. Losing it wasn't really something I decided to do, I simply wanted sex.
Casual (protected) sex is fine for two willing partners in my opinion. The value of virginity doesn't much matter to me, being a bit of a whore, but if someone wants that first time with whomever they're married to to be "extra special," that's understandable too. Different strokes.
I'm sure it has arbitrary value somewhere. I'm a twenty-three-year-old with needs is all.
There's only a dogma about virginity in immature chats and American Pie movies. People will criticize anything. I'm not a virgin and I still have critics.
I'd tell my friend that I'm a very biased judge for deciding what to do with someone's virginity. I would then change the subject.
I'll treat this question as "What requirements do you think there are for being ready to have sex with someone new for the first time?"
Emotional: You must not have just broken up with your boyfriend. At least give it a week. If I sense vulnerability, I'm out. You must also be sober enough to make decisions for yourself.
Relational: This is the part where I must once again refer to myself as a "whore" since "swinger" implies that there was once some short-term relationship. Requirements here can be as negligible as a simple "Hey, you're kinda cute. :)"
Of course there are other precautions to take, but they aren't as much related to emotional or relational factors as they are health issues. Do what you will but stay clean and avoid babies at all costs until a) you can afford and sustain that lifestyle and b) you aren't dating someone underage who decided that they wanted one on a whim.
Yes. I guess it's due to my LDS upbringing, but also due to the fact that I have a strong belief that the greatest gift God gave us on this Earth is the ability to both create and end life. There is nothing more awe-inspiring then these abilities. They are not to be trifled with.
I definitely think it's worth keeping. By having both partners wait until marriage to have sex, not only do you have a special emotional bond that no one else will ever have with you but your chance of getting an STD is almost nonexistent. It makes any connections with your special one that much stronger. Casual sex is an abuse of a divine right given to start a family, a bond of which lasts throughout eternity.
Depends on the group you're around. I know plenty of people who have nothing but respect for those who are able to stay abstinent and others who "live life to its fullest" and screw around who really are quite indifferent.
Keep it. Until both partners have made a permanent commitment and have shown it through the bond of marriage, your virginity will almost always end up in the hands of someone who in the end really doesn't care about you. Stay strong.
To me, relational is a good stand on emotional anyways. I think I've said to wait til marriage enough but if I haven't - wait!
I choose to live in a world with some hope in it.
Age: 21, Male
If she cheated on you, and you guys haven't even been dating for a year, than DUMP HER! If someone cheats on you, it means that they do not respect you enough or value your relationship enough to think about how their actions will affect you, which means she will cheat on you again.
As for casual sex, that is something that works differently for each individual. Some people are unaffected by sex with multiple partners, because sex isn't an emotional thing for them. However, other people carry deep emotional ties with the act of sex, usually created by their upbringing, sometimes just by their personality. So for some people, having sex with another person creates a very deep emotional bond with that person, and so if they were to get dumped by that person, severing that bond can cause very deep possibly irrevocable damage.
I would type more, but my girlfriend just walked in the door, so gotta post more later.
If she cheated on you, and you guys haven't even been dating for a year, than DUMP HER! If someone cheats on you, it means that they do not respect you enough or value your relationship enough to think about how their actions will affect you, which means she will cheat on you again.
As for casual sex, that is something that works differently for each individual. Some people are unaffected by sex with multiple partners, because sex isn't an emotional thing for them. However, other people carry deep emotional ties with the act of sex, usually created by their upbringing, sometimes just by their personality. So for some people, having sex with another person creates a very deep emotional bond with that person, and so if they were to get dumped by that person, severing that bond can cause very deep possibly irrevocable damage.
I would type more, but my girlfriend just walked in the door, so gotta post more later.
- Are you a virgin? If so, then why are you still one? If not, then what made you decide to lose it/give it away?
- What are your views on the idea of "casual sex" or, in general, the value of virginity? Is it something worth keeping?
- If it is, why do you think it's worth keeping? If not, justify why it's lost its value.
- Do you think there's a certain dogma about being a virgin? Is it generally accepted, approved upon, or criticized?
This is a shared point of view in certain groups, but it's mostly shallow people that rarely think by themselves.
- If you are not a virgin, what would you say to a virgin friend who is considering giving it up? Would you encourage him to lose it or keep it, and why
Underage people (like 16 or less) i would probably tell them to wait a bit longer.
- What emotional and relational requirements do you think there are for being ready to have sex for the first time?
This is all about security in the end, in yourself if you can have sex without any feelings whatsoever, and security in a partner if it is someone you have a relationship with.
Virginity is a most precious possesion that should be guarded with all modesty at all times. Which means in my views its ok, after you have gotten an engagement or something
I am a boy, in my teens so I shouldnt b dabbling in this situation until I am older
I am just saying what my parents taught me.
I am a boy, in my teens so I shouldnt b dabbling in this situation until I am older
I am just saying what my parents taught me.
probably not the strongest way to bolster your statements
- Status